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Watch Me Whip Belmont Vampire Hunter Castlevania Fan Parody T-shirt

Aardvark Tees

Watch Me Whip Belmont Vampire Hunter Castlevania Fan Parody T-shirt


We have a new shirt. Here’s what happened when we got our resident writer to write some copy…
“I just did it right.” -- Ian

“Yes, but please do it again. Reword it a little, you know. I could write the copy, after all.” -- Stan Aardvark

“I’m not used to more than one person trying to tell me how to write this copy. Why are you asking me for another one?” -- Ian

“I thought there was a slight problem, and we’d just like to be sure.” -- Stan

“Jeez… Can I see what I gave you for a minute, please?” -- Ian

“Certainly.” -- Stan

“’We know a remote wood in Aljiba, where a skeleton lives. Every July, stairs appear.’ Do you really mean that? Was that the problem?” -- Ian

“Well, it’s true if you go to past the wood to the lake and kneel with the blue crystal. Can you add that part in? Put an ellipsis in there, too. We don’t want the V/O guy having problems later.” -- Stan

“I already put that part in later. The blue crystal part. I’m already past that. Stop trying to edit me over my shoulder.” -- Ian

“We think you should change it to ‘_In_ July.’ Emphasis on the ‘_In_’ you know. Italics.” -- Stan

“Who says that? ‘_In_ July, stairs appear.’ There is no known way in the English language to make that work. That’s just idiotic, if you’ll forgive my saying so. Too much editing going on here. ‘_In_ July…’” -- Ian

“It’s for the V/O guy. But let’s move on, shall we?” -- Stan

“Stupid. Meaningless. Look at what you did to this line: ‘we know a certain Lake in Yuba, near where the mermen gather in great shoals…’ That’s where I was discussing the blue crystal. You just straight up changed the copy, now it doesn’t make any sense. Can we get to the part where we can watch Simon whip? Please?” -- Ian

“You’re the writer.” -- Stan

“’We know a certain mansion called Berkeley, where Mr. Belmont performs reenactments of his past heroic deeds. There, he whips his foes, and for a pretty penny’s price, you can be a spectator. There, you can watch him whip AND nae nae!’ Cut that out. Just cut that out. What is this? You penciled this in? ‘There, you can watch him whip and nae nae.’ What is ‘nae nae’? What does that possibly mean?” -- Ian

“It’s a parody. You know that’s what we’re doing. You did six last year and they were great…” -- Stan

“I don’t have time for this. You don’t know what I’m up against. Your changes are only correct because they’re grammatical. This is a very wearying one. It’s unrewarding. ‘Watch him whip.’ We don’t need anything else beyond that. No alliteration or onomatopoeic horse-sounds or whatever. I would never ask anyone to write like this. To you I say, ‘nay, nay!’” -- Ian left, and slammed the door behind him.

And with that (and apologies to the Late Mr. Welles) we’d blown our money for the copy on this ad.

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